A skyrim review

It can be very hard to review a video game because so many elements such as playability, narrative, character design can all meld together to skew ones perspective on how a product of this type is absorbed into ones mind as a whole. In that light since Skyrim is a role playing game, I will assume a character and give you an accounting of my first adventure.


As I ran from the #dragon I couldn’t help but look back at what used to be the village of the hate mongers who were so keen to decapitate me and I thought to my self “Karma’s a bitch mutha fuckuzz!” I should have kept following the burly nord who rescued me from certain doom but instead I took a wrong turn and decided to pledge my loyalty to a magical stone deity I found in a mystical formation in the dense woods. As I found my path again a projectile came whirling through the air and stopped with a bloody crunch in my cranium. To which something went through my mind, apart from that arrow. I proceeded to shout “What punk ass bitch just shot me upside my head!” I turned to find the culprit clearly labeled “bandit” rush toward me with a blade of some sort. Luckily some quick math came to my aid. Big ass sword + neck of bandit = one headless douchebag. After looting his corpse I saw what looked to be a gate embedded in a cave. I walked through it and was greeted by blind man who asked me if I was the guard from outside. I said I was and proceeded to pick his pockets. It’s not like he could identify me right? Although once this was done he got up to alert the rest of his rabble to my arrival. Well needless to say I couldn’t have that. A quick stab dispatched him as his allies came in to view from a ridge above my position. They loosed their arrows upon me and I screamed “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH, I AM SICK OF ALL THE MUTHA FUCKIN ARROWS BEING SHOT AT MY MUTHA FUCKIN HEAD!” In a fit of rage I ran up the steps and introduced these paramecium brained wankers to the business end of Gladys(it’s what I named my sword). With their blood freshly coating my worthy blade I set about to explore the caverns. In a cage a few caves down I found bags of gold and a Tome of what seemed to be great Import laying on a table. I opened it and found to my utter amazement a fire spell. I equipped it and wouldn’t you know this goddamned dragon born can shoot fire from from his hand. I stepped back out into the forest and with a smile on my face I thought ” I’m gonna burn this bitch to the ground. “
-Fin

20130615-182230.jpg

Advertisements

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s